A Tribute to Rusty

On Wednesday December 15, 2010 Cindy and I decided to put our beloved dog Rusty to sleep. He was almost 17 years old and had been struggling for a long time with bad hips and old age. Finally, when the snow and ice came it was just too hard for him to get through the tasks of his day and we decided it was time to give him one final gift – to release him from this life so that his spirit could be free once again to run and play and jump and chase squirrels and do all the things dogs love to do but that he hadn't been able to do for a long, long time. And so as hard as this was with the holidays approaching we took him to our vet and we said goodbye.

We miss that little guy. We miss his presence in the house and his spirit of love and adoration. His death has left a huge hole in our home and in our hearts. Rusty and Cindy were particularly close. She was his main focus and was incredibly faithful and loving toward her through some difficult periods of her life and she really leaned on him when she needed to know she was loved and needed. She is particularly grieved by his passing.

Certainly, Rusty had his annoying aspects - tipping over garbage, going wild when on a leash and encountering other dogs, selective hearing... and he hadn’t been himself for a long time but since he's died we've been mainly remembering all of the good Rusty stories. It's been fun to reminisce about his playfulness, his love and companionship, his joy of living, his faithfulness, and his comforting presence in our home. We've remembered how much he loved to chase squirrels and ducks - especially the ones that feed in our neighbor's yard and how full of life he was when he was young leaping and bounding everywhere he went with joy-filled abandon. We've had many laughs followed by tears of grief at the loss.

One of the unexpected blessings of this time of grieving has been the opportunity for me to see the part of Cindy that loves without boundaries, that gives completely and fully to the other joyfully. She loved that dog and she is really sad that he's gone and I am watching her grieve and thinking about how much I love her and admire her courage and how grateful I am to be her partner in life.

This sadness and sorrow and loss that we feel is painful and it hurts but it is also an incredible gift that shows us the depth and truth of the love we share with one another and the love we shared with our beloved pet.

Cindy keeps apologizing for being so weepy and teary eyed and tells me frequently that she's not very good at death. I keep telling her that the tears and the grief, the feelings of loss and sorrow are a tribute to the love she and Rusty shared. They honor his life and all the many gifts he gave to her and to us and they show her capacity to love fully and deeply, which is a gift and which also hurts like hell sometimes.

And I have been painfully aware through it all that this is life well lived - life that loves and affirms joy and commitment and that aches and rages at the grief and loss that comes no matter what. God never promised that faith would make life easier. In fact in some ways in my experience faith makes life more challenging as the spirit nudges us out of our comfort zones and we take risks in love that we might otherwise shy away from. But what God does promise is that God will be there in the depths of sorrow and despair to comfort, hold, love and heal.

This is indeed good news for Cindy and for me because we both know that this isn't going to be the last time our hearts break and grief colors our days a gloomy gray. But we also know that the warmth of God's love and the light of hope will break through the shadows, the tears and the fears if we let it and life will break upon us in all its glory and in all its horror and we will be held always in a loving embrace.

May it be so.